Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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