Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize