Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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