saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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