I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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