and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Come see our sink grown plant.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
