maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Who died my cat blue again?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
