weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
