You just made me feel so damn special
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
