What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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