He kissed a someone with a penis
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
