Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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