Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
