I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
