I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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