im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
