your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
