now i know why i became what i already was.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
