Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
