Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
