I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
