I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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