Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
