Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
