All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
