new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
