Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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