But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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