Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
