He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
