i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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