Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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