i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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