i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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