All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
