Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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