I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
