I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
