he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize