Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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