Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize