after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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