PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
