goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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