Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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