The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
