Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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