IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
