I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
