Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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