How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
