haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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