Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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