I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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