I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
