if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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