i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
operation harelip BJ is a go
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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