do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
