Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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