i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
