Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i think my mom watched the whole time
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
