So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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