even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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