so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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