We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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